Jack and I arrived in Honolulu (the winning destination of WanderTot’s poll) tonight after Jack’s longest flight yet. I still can’t believe he stayed awake for the ENTIRE seven-and-a-half-hour flight.

We were scheduled to arrive yesterday, but our flight left without us even though there were 11 empty seats, thanks to weather-related weight restrictions. I was like, come on people, you can let on the skinny chick and the baby!! No such luck. Thank goodness we got on today and, not only that, we got an entire middle row of three seats to ourselves.

Everything was going great until, an hour into the flight, the top popped off Jack’s sippy cup, which was FULL of apple juice. It spilled all over him, so he was soaking wet from neck to toe, I mean DRIPPING wet and screaming because a) he had no idea what just happened and it terrified him and b) he was cold and wet. I took off his shoes and braces to make it easier to change his clothes in the cramped airplane bathroom. BAD IDEA. He stood on the floor while I took off his pants and diaper. The second I took off his diaper, he peed. Did I mention I left his socks on? Yep. I brought a clean shirt and clean pants, but I did not foresee him peeing on his socks.

Yeah. So. I just let him go barefoot while the socks were drying out. We went for a much-needed stroll around the plane and I definitely got some looks. The where-are-that-poor-baby’s-shoes looks. Eventually, I had to put them back on because Jack has to wear braces on his feet and he can’t wear the braces without the socks. Also, pee is sterile so don’t give me that look.

So then, THEN, we had another little incident, which you may not care to read about if you don’t yet have children. Let’s just say some of the airplane food didn’t agree with Jack and we had a leaky diaper situation. I had only brought the one extra pair of pants onboard and now they were ruined too. I had two choices. Let Jack rock the diaper, shoes and shirt look or put back on the apple-juice pants. Luckily, they had had about four hours to dry out, so they were only damp when I put them back on. Now the only clean thing the poor kid was wearing was his shirt.

Lesson learned: bring one change of clothes for every few hours on a flight. Plus extra socks.

The rest of the flight actually went really well and Jack was pretty much an angel aside from the forgetting-to take-a-nap thing. He ALMOST fell asleep after we touched down, while taxiing to the gate. He completely conked out on the shuttle ride to the hotel.

I hope he can sleep on the plane on the way home. Especially since it’s an overnight flight.

1. Be sure to bring your toddler’s favorite juice mix with you to the airport to make sure he will drink it during takeoff and landing, thus preventing ear problems. When he drinks it all before you even get on the plane, make him more. By all means, just keep giving him more because he’s thirsty for goodness sake. And you still need some for him to drink on the plane. Then, when his diaper leaks just before boarding, soaking the only pair of pants you have, put him in a regular diaper instead of the thicker nighttime diaper you have RIGHT THERE, because it’s only an hour-long flight and that just HAD to have been all the pee. Then, when that diaper leaks during the descent (when it’s too late to change, thanks to the seat-belt sign being illuminated), you can just hope that maybe no one will notice that you and the sleeping toddler you’re holding are wet and reek of pee, because you probably already smelled like pee when you got on the plane and maybe they are used to it by now.

2. When taking a road trip with your newborn baby, marvel at how well he sleeps in the car. He can sleep for four-and-a-half hours on the road! That never happens at home. Be sure to drive during the morning or afternoon, when your baby should be awake. This will ensure he will be up ALL NIGHT the first night of your trip and his schedule will remain messed up until the end of the trip. Be sure to let him sleep on the way home too; he’s so tired from not sleeping at night. Then, he’ll be even more messed up when you get home.

3. Take your baby on a camping trip while he’s teething. Make sure to pick a crowded campground so the maximum number of people can hear him screaming in the middle of the night. Proceed to pack up all of your camping gear and take down the tent, while consoling the baby, in the PITCH DARK. Make sure to put that black suitcase you are packing next to a wheel on the car. That way, when you leave and forget it’s there, you will run over it. Then you can cram it in the car instead of accidentally leaving it behind.

4. Check into a beautiful historic hotel and forget to make sure they have air conditioning. Proceed to enjoy your evening in your gorgeous, well-appointed room, attempting to get your fat, hot, pink, sweaty, mostly naked baby to sleep in the heat. When he finally passes out from exhaustion, you are free to sleep in the comfortable bed for the two hours left before morning.

5. Take many trips to the airport with your kids, juggling them, your stroller, your check-in bag AND your carryon bag. Watch as strangers marvel at how crazy you are to try to manage all this stuff! Then, one day, notice the Smarte Carte luggage carts you can check out for $4. Put your kid in the seat up front, pile your luggage and stroller in the back and get around the airport pushing ONE thing. Proceed to feel silly for not doing this earlier.

Hope you and your family had a great Labor Day weekend! If you have a good family vacation disaster story, please post it in the comments.